Second Chances
Missed the boat. The ship has sailed. Chances lost. Failed. Too old. Not good enough. It’s gone. It’s over.
All the thoughts I’ve had the last few years.
I have always loved to sing. I am told that I could sing the first verse and chorus to “The King is Coming”-my lullaby- when I was 19 months old. I sang my first solo in church when I was three. I remember standing on a wooden folding chair to reach the mic while my Dad accompanied me on the guitar.
I sang solos growing up in church, at other churches, school, competitions and at camp. I was asked to give my first concert when I was 12.
My parents were always supportive of my music. My Dad had the video camera stuck to his face, while my Mom had a Kleenex to hers. They invested in music lessons when I was eleven. I took voice and piano lessons through junior high, high school and college. I love to sing.
When I was nine, a man prophesied over me. It was the night I gave my heart to the Lord...the last time. You know, when you're raised in the church it can happen several times. I started at three and got saved 176 times. =)
I stood at the front of the church along with a few other people. He singled me out and said that I was special; God had His hand on my life. God would do great things through me. Interesting.
The next prophesy came when I was fifteen. The visiting pastor plucked me out while he was speaking and also said that God had His hand on my life. God would bless my ministry. He said that one day I would have to choose between God and money, but if I chose God the money would follow.
There were a few other people that “spoke into” my life. The Bible says to “test the spirits to see whether they are from God...” (1 John 4:1) because there are a lot of people that say things are from God when they aren’t. So, I just write them down and see if they come true later.
I married Rich when I was nineteen, went to college for four years for music and had three babies. I remember when Dale was a ten months old I went to a Women of Faith convention. I was sitting in the nose bleed section quietly thinking and crying after lunch. Julie Polheber came up to me and asked what was wrong. I said, “I love being a mom, but I just feel that God has more for me.” She said, what do you want to do? I pointed to The Integrity Worship Singers (the worship team) who had just stepped out and said, “I want to do that."
Four years later I started as the music director at New Life Assembly of God. =) And my favorite part? Leading worship.
That’s my calling. I know that with every fiber of my being. That’s what I was created to do. That’s what makes my heart beat. That’s where I feel closest to God. When I lead worship, I feel like I am right where I am suppose to be. I’m the round peg in a round hole. The Lord ordained me for that moment. God is ah-mazing. I love to worship Him.
But then in July of 2007, because of medical reasons, I resigned from New Life Assembly of God.
I was crushed. Sad. Depressed. Felt like I lost my identity. It was like I went through a death. I mourned my job. After I resigned, my parking spot suddenly moved from a place that said “pastor” to one that looked like everyone else’s. I had no reason to wear my high heels every day. In fact, a few months after I resigned, I was feeling so sorry for myself that I went upstairs and put my red, open-toe heels on...even though I was wearing my gray sweatpants. It did perk me up a bit. =)
Soon, the “we miss you, Rebecca!” emails and cards stopped. Pastor Appreciation Day came and went without a box with my name on it. And worst of all, I had no one to lead. I had no spot. No place to be to lead worship. I lost my calling.
I struggled with the decision I had made. Was it the right one? Did I do the right thing? Where do I go from here? What do I do now?
Within a few months after resigning I tried singing “professionally.” I sent a press kit to all of the Assembly of God women’s ministries in WI, MN, IL, IA, IN and MI. I didn't receive any responses back. I sent press kits to many churches within 100 mile radius to lead worship or give a concert. Nothin’. It was disheartening to say the least.
During this time I kept praying. I knew that Satan was peeing in my ear telling me all these lies. But it’s so easy to believe the bad stuff rather than the good. When your happy, you tend to seek out happy Scriptures. When your sad, you tend to seek out sad Scriptures. Oh my goodness. “I have soaked my bed with tears... my bed is floating...” blah, blah, blah. David was more depressed than I was. But there was a verse that I clung on to: “Why my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him...” (Psalm 42:5) Yet praise Him. For the first time in weeks I went to my piano and praised Him. I didn’t need a congregation to lead. I just needed Him. An audience of One. Yet praise Him. I wrote a song about that. I wrote a bunch of songs. And He remembered the desires of my heart.
Finally, in 2008 a church in Sun Prairie contacted me. Their worship leader was going to be gone for two weeks. They asked me to fill in for her. Oh my goodness! It was like I was home again. Afterwards, I cried all the way home. I was so thankful. I was so grateful that God allowed me to lead again.
But it was another eight months before I had an opportunity again. It was very frustrating. It was so few and far between. I miss it.
I applied the following year at a job at a spa as a receptionist to bring some cash into our dwindling bank account. I quickly learned that I wasn’t as quick a learner as I use to be. The girl that was training me was seven years older than Micayla. I felt old.
I was only working part time. I knew I was slow, it was a complex computer system, but I was getting it. At least I thought so. Two weeks in, I was fired over a voice mail. I felt stupid. I truly don’t know what I did wrong. But, it is what it is.
A month or so later, I was hired as a temp doing data entry for two weeks. I was fired in a week. I felt like an idiot!
Every time I think of those instances, I cringe. It makes me want to hide. I feel so dumb.
Since I have resigned, the Lord has thrown me a bone here and there and let me lead worship at a church. Oh my goodness, people! How I love that! Each time I do, I know that is what I was created for. How I wish it was more frequent.
Many of you know that I love to write. I'd love to write a book someday. I've sent in a few articles to different magazines. I have many, many rejection letters that you can use to wallpaper your room. It's free.
The last few months I’ve applied at several jobs: Grainger, no. Kohl’s, you’re not what we’re looking for. Family Video, no. But, bonus! I now receive their email updates on upcoming video releases. I even applied as a flight attendant. I’ve stayed away from any cashier jobs. Being fired from the spa has really shaken my confidence in my ability to do anything like that.
There are times where I feel like I’ve missed it. I had a promising youth. I blossomed in my teen years. I had opportunities when I was young, when I was first married, when my kids were young. God blessed me back then. He gave me a talent then. There were those prophesies. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe I’m not special. Maybe God doesn’t have His hand on my life. Maybe He won’t use me anymore. Maybe there's a reason why I don't lead worship that often. And the money thing.... well, I must have chosen money over God somewhere along the line, because we certainly don't have any.
Maybe my time has passed. Maybe my ministry years are over. I couldn’t be “famous” even if I wanted to be. No person starts their singing career at my age. I’m too old. I can’t sing forever anyway. No old lady sings well. I’ll develop a warble.
But then, one day after I checked for gray hairs, a hump on my back and warts on my face *grin*, this verse popped out at me: “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.” (Job 42:12) The latter part. More than the beginning.
Job had everything. Much more than I did. And he had everything stripped away. Much more than I did. Yet, he still praised God. Much more than I did.
Yet.
“...God does not show favoritism." Acts 10:34 34
“God, your God, is the God of all gods, He’s the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn’t play favorites, takes no bribes.” Deut 10:17.
“For God shows no partiality [undue favor or unfairness; with Him one man is not different from another.]” Romans 2:11 (Amplified)
Whew! Well, isn’t that something? Job and I are treated equally? Even though I didn’t praise God right away, have a good attitude and pop some boils in praise, I could still have equal blessings?
Maybe I am just getting started. Maybe this whole time Satan’s been beating me down (uh, duh). Maybe I’m not too old (just don’t talk to my kids). Maybe the next ship is coming in (and it’s a cruise ship). Maybe I still have a chance. Maybe it’s not over.
God is a God of second chances.
I’m sure many of you have seen this video of the homeless man with a golden voice. It’s been all over the news this week.
Missed the boat. The ship has sailed. Chances lost. Failed. Too old. Not good enough. It’s gone. It’s over.
All the thoughts I’ve had the last few years.
I have always loved to sing. I am told that I could sing the first verse and chorus to “The King is Coming”-my lullaby- when I was 19 months old. I sang my first solo in church when I was three. I remember standing on a wooden folding chair to reach the mic while my Dad accompanied me on the guitar.
I sang solos growing up in church, at other churches, school, competitions and at camp. I was asked to give my first concert when I was 12.
My parents were always supportive of my music. My Dad had the video camera stuck to his face, while my Mom had a Kleenex to hers. They invested in music lessons when I was eleven. I took voice and piano lessons through junior high, high school and college. I love to sing.
When I was nine, a man prophesied over me. It was the night I gave my heart to the Lord...the last time. You know, when you're raised in the church it can happen several times. I started at three and got saved 176 times. =)
I stood at the front of the church along with a few other people. He singled me out and said that I was special; God had His hand on my life. God would do great things through me. Interesting.
The next prophesy came when I was fifteen. The visiting pastor plucked me out while he was speaking and also said that God had His hand on my life. God would bless my ministry. He said that one day I would have to choose between God and money, but if I chose God the money would follow.
There were a few other people that “spoke into” my life. The Bible says to “test the spirits to see whether they are from God...” (1 John 4:1) because there are a lot of people that say things are from God when they aren’t. So, I just write them down and see if they come true later.
I married Rich when I was nineteen, went to college for four years for music and had three babies. I remember when Dale was a ten months old I went to a Women of Faith convention. I was sitting in the nose bleed section quietly thinking and crying after lunch. Julie Polheber came up to me and asked what was wrong. I said, “I love being a mom, but I just feel that God has more for me.” She said, what do you want to do? I pointed to The Integrity Worship Singers (the worship team) who had just stepped out and said, “I want to do that."
Four years later I started as the music director at New Life Assembly of God. =) And my favorite part? Leading worship.
That’s my calling. I know that with every fiber of my being. That’s what I was created to do. That’s what makes my heart beat. That’s where I feel closest to God. When I lead worship, I feel like I am right where I am suppose to be. I’m the round peg in a round hole. The Lord ordained me for that moment. God is ah-mazing. I love to worship Him.
But then in July of 2007, because of medical reasons, I resigned from New Life Assembly of God.
I was crushed. Sad. Depressed. Felt like I lost my identity. It was like I went through a death. I mourned my job. After I resigned, my parking spot suddenly moved from a place that said “pastor” to one that looked like everyone else’s. I had no reason to wear my high heels every day. In fact, a few months after I resigned, I was feeling so sorry for myself that I went upstairs and put my red, open-toe heels on...even though I was wearing my gray sweatpants. It did perk me up a bit. =)
Soon, the “we miss you, Rebecca!” emails and cards stopped. Pastor Appreciation Day came and went without a box with my name on it. And worst of all, I had no one to lead. I had no spot. No place to be to lead worship. I lost my calling.
I struggled with the decision I had made. Was it the right one? Did I do the right thing? Where do I go from here? What do I do now?
Within a few months after resigning I tried singing “professionally.” I sent a press kit to all of the Assembly of God women’s ministries in WI, MN, IL, IA, IN and MI. I didn't receive any responses back. I sent press kits to many churches within 100 mile radius to lead worship or give a concert. Nothin’. It was disheartening to say the least.
During this time I kept praying. I knew that Satan was peeing in my ear telling me all these lies. But it’s so easy to believe the bad stuff rather than the good. When your happy, you tend to seek out happy Scriptures. When your sad, you tend to seek out sad Scriptures. Oh my goodness. “I have soaked my bed with tears... my bed is floating...” blah, blah, blah. David was more depressed than I was. But there was a verse that I clung on to: “Why my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him...” (Psalm 42:5) Yet praise Him. For the first time in weeks I went to my piano and praised Him. I didn’t need a congregation to lead. I just needed Him. An audience of One. Yet praise Him. I wrote a song about that. I wrote a bunch of songs. And He remembered the desires of my heart.
Finally, in 2008 a church in Sun Prairie contacted me. Their worship leader was going to be gone for two weeks. They asked me to fill in for her. Oh my goodness! It was like I was home again. Afterwards, I cried all the way home. I was so thankful. I was so grateful that God allowed me to lead again.
But it was another eight months before I had an opportunity again. It was very frustrating. It was so few and far between. I miss it.
I applied the following year at a job at a spa as a receptionist to bring some cash into our dwindling bank account. I quickly learned that I wasn’t as quick a learner as I use to be. The girl that was training me was seven years older than Micayla. I felt old.
I was only working part time. I knew I was slow, it was a complex computer system, but I was getting it. At least I thought so. Two weeks in, I was fired over a voice mail. I felt stupid. I truly don’t know what I did wrong. But, it is what it is.
A month or so later, I was hired as a temp doing data entry for two weeks. I was fired in a week. I felt like an idiot!
Every time I think of those instances, I cringe. It makes me want to hide. I feel so dumb.
Since I have resigned, the Lord has thrown me a bone here and there and let me lead worship at a church. Oh my goodness, people! How I love that! Each time I do, I know that is what I was created for. How I wish it was more frequent.
Many of you know that I love to write. I'd love to write a book someday. I've sent in a few articles to different magazines. I have many, many rejection letters that you can use to wallpaper your room. It's free.
The last few months I’ve applied at several jobs: Grainger, no. Kohl’s, you’re not what we’re looking for. Family Video, no. But, bonus! I now receive their email updates on upcoming video releases. I even applied as a flight attendant. I’ve stayed away from any cashier jobs. Being fired from the spa has really shaken my confidence in my ability to do anything like that.
There are times where I feel like I’ve missed it. I had a promising youth. I blossomed in my teen years. I had opportunities when I was young, when I was first married, when my kids were young. God blessed me back then. He gave me a talent then. There were those prophesies. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe I’m not special. Maybe God doesn’t have His hand on my life. Maybe He won’t use me anymore. Maybe there's a reason why I don't lead worship that often. And the money thing.... well, I must have chosen money over God somewhere along the line, because we certainly don't have any.
Maybe my time has passed. Maybe my ministry years are over. I couldn’t be “famous” even if I wanted to be. No person starts their singing career at my age. I’m too old. I can’t sing forever anyway. No old lady sings well. I’ll develop a warble.
But then, one day after I checked for gray hairs, a hump on my back and warts on my face *grin*, this verse popped out at me: “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.” (Job 42:12) The latter part. More than the beginning.
Job had everything. Much more than I did. And he had everything stripped away. Much more than I did. Yet, he still praised God. Much more than I did.
Yet.
“...God does not show favoritism." Acts 10:34 34
“God, your God, is the God of all gods, He’s the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn’t play favorites, takes no bribes.” Deut 10:17.
“For God shows no partiality [undue favor or unfairness; with Him one man is not different from another.]” Romans 2:11 (Amplified)
Whew! Well, isn’t that something? Job and I are treated equally? Even though I didn’t praise God right away, have a good attitude and pop some boils in praise, I could still have equal blessings?
Maybe I am just getting started. Maybe this whole time Satan’s been beating me down (uh, duh). Maybe I’m not too old (just don’t talk to my kids). Maybe the next ship is coming in (and it’s a cruise ship). Maybe I still have a chance. Maybe it’s not over.
God is a God of second chances.
I’m sure many of you have seen this video of the homeless man with a golden voice. It’s been all over the news this week.
Ted Williams had trained to be a radio announcer before drugs and alcohol ruined his chances at a career, and destroyed his marriage. He was reduced to begging on the side of a road. But then a YouTube video changed his life. Since this video aired, he has received his second chance. The Cleveland Cavilers offered him a full-time job and a house. Kevin McLoughlin, director of post production films for the NFL, really wants him for voice over work. When he heard his voice and story he said, “This guy deserves a second chance.”
Ted has already completed a voice-over for The Today Show, and a commercial aired Thursday as the voice for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I read an article where he was quoted in saying, “If I can get a job...I’d be happy. At least I know God has me where He wants me.”
Exactly. I know that feeling. A second chance. The center of His will. That’s where I want to be.
You are one of the most amazingly beautiful women that I have had the pleasure of ever meeting! Your voice is like that of an Angel! I am sure when you sing, no matter where it is, God just sits and relishes in what beauty comes from it. You are truly blessed with one amazing talent to sing, Rebecca!
ReplyDeleteAnd now, not only do you have the ability to sing, but you also have the ability to write!
I'm sure there are millions of women who can totally relate to what you have written here. Maybe to them, it isn't about singing, but I'm sure they can relate in one way or another, or many.
I love you dear Sister in Christ. I'm blessed to know you! May the Lord continue to cause His face to shine upon you!
"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up." Galatians 6:9
Christi Wilson
My sweet friend,
ReplyDeleteYour raw sincerity is absolutely beautiful. I have been present during you worship leading, as well as standing beside you while a prophetic Word has been spoken over you. God does have His hand upon your life and He will use you.
You need to read Sun Stand Still, ASAP. Your Spirit will be awakened. A new vision will overwhelm your heart. This is a season Bec, and no season lasts forever. Though the winter may seem to go on and on and it may be harsh; spring is right around the corner. It brings the promise of new life, growth, and something greater than the season's before. You are right, job walked through the fire, and he clung to the God who he had learned to wait upon during the good old days, and in the end he reaped a reward that was more than he could have dared to ask for. And if you will worship for an audience of one, every day. That ONE will open the doors that you can not. He will fling wide the gates. He will prosper your steps, and fulfill your desires beyond what you can ask of Him. Believe for the things unseen; that is faith.
I love you. I am here if you need to talk and to pray.
You have touched many lives, sometimes we don't get to see all that we have accomplished until we reach the other side.
ReplyDeleteI often struggled with my "course" in life too. I always thought I would return the the deep dark interior of Africa and save the continent (or at least a person or two) but God had a different plan for me, he had two special boys that I was called to raise. You too have done what God has called you to do, be a mother. It is no less a divine calling than a missionary or a worship leader.
I appreciate your story.
Christine
Friend You have always lifted me whenever I have heard you sing. you've touched my life many times with your voice. But you have also touched me with your voice as a friend as well. I know we hardly see each other but your smile and your soft voice is a blessing. I consider you a sister in the Lord and will pray that God would give you the desire of your life. I'm so glad you reminded me in this that God is a god of Lots of chances and is busy in our lives even when we don't feel it. God bless you sister! Love you, Donna Day
ReplyDeleteThank you, friends, for your words of encouragement. They mean so much to me. I will hold them close to my heart... and will come back to them here to read and re-read again. How did I get so lucky to have friends like you?
ReplyDelete