I hate the phrase "kids are resilient" It's just a saying grown ups say to make themselves feel better when they have to make a tough decision.
I survived my childhood, you survived your childhood, but is that what we want for our children? For them to just survive?
"Kids are resilient." Tell that to a woman who was sexually abused and if that didn't affect her as an adult. Say that phrase to someone who lost their mom when they were little. Or to a man who was beaten or tortured by his father to the point of disfiguring. Were they like you? Did they just bounce back? Did they survive? Were they resilient? Or did they hurt? Were their invisible scars carried into adulthood? Or perhaps they had some "issues."
How many of us can remember even the simplest of bullying in middle or high school. I can. How many of us cringe at the names we were called? I do. My freshman year was miserable. How many of us pray that our children have a better childhood than we had? Hope we are better parents...even if we had great parents... we hope we are better role models, make less mistakes? I do.
Obviously sexual abuse, death and torture are extreme cases, but we all have baggage that we carry from our childhood and teenage years as we enter our adult years. Nearly everyone I talk to has significant changes that they can remember that hurt them deeply. Some had changed them. Some for the better, some for the worst.
When I was on staff, I remember an old man that was still bitter by his father who had beat him as a child. He refused to forgive him. I still remember his scowl and demeaner. The man's father had passed away more than twenty years ago.
According to livestrong.com how you develop emotionally, intellectiually and socially in your early years can affect your entire life. Good or bad.
My point is: I hate that phrase. My family is in the middle of a big change. I worry about how it's going to affect the kids. Someone used that phrase and I said, "really what does that mean?" It's like a pat answer when someone dies and says, "they're in a better place"...well, we want them here. "Kids are resilient," no, they're not. They hurt, they scar, they resent.... and they always wind up on the couch someday blaming the mother. *grin*
I dedicated my children when they were babies and gave them to the Lord. Symbolically like Hannah who gave Samuel to the priest....for the first 5 years of his life. She gave him away. I can't imagine. Yet I symbolically did the same thing; giving my children to the Lord, for life. However, I want to put them in a bubble and let nothing of this world harm them. Nikki had a different upbringing in her beginning years. Now, she's added to that bubble. Now and again, I release them into man kind...then I snatch them back. It's a constant letting go. I don't want them hurt. I don't want them to make the same mistakes I did or Rich did. Or anyone did.
I refuse to use the phrase "kids are resilient" to make myself feel better over a tough decisions.
Perhaps I'll use it in the context that my kids are resilient because they choose the right path under the obedience of Christ. They made the right choice because we have...."trained up a child in the way they should go...." Proverbs 22:6 And because we adore them. Truly. Take for instance, Jacob. When he was asked who these people were, he said, "The children who God has graciously given his servant." (Gen 33:5) They are my pride. My joy. I don't want them to just survive. Just be resilient. Tough. Hard. I want them to be gracious, kind, compassionate...Godlike.
Okay. I'm stepping off soap box now.
I survived my childhood, you survived your childhood, but is that what we want for our children? For them to just survive?
"Kids are resilient." Tell that to a woman who was sexually abused and if that didn't affect her as an adult. Say that phrase to someone who lost their mom when they were little. Or to a man who was beaten or tortured by his father to the point of disfiguring. Were they like you? Did they just bounce back? Did they survive? Were they resilient? Or did they hurt? Were their invisible scars carried into adulthood? Or perhaps they had some "issues."
How many of us can remember even the simplest of bullying in middle or high school. I can. How many of us cringe at the names we were called? I do. My freshman year was miserable. How many of us pray that our children have a better childhood than we had? Hope we are better parents...even if we had great parents... we hope we are better role models, make less mistakes? I do.
Obviously sexual abuse, death and torture are extreme cases, but we all have baggage that we carry from our childhood and teenage years as we enter our adult years. Nearly everyone I talk to has significant changes that they can remember that hurt them deeply. Some had changed them. Some for the better, some for the worst.
When I was on staff, I remember an old man that was still bitter by his father who had beat him as a child. He refused to forgive him. I still remember his scowl and demeaner. The man's father had passed away more than twenty years ago.
According to livestrong.com how you develop emotionally, intellectiually and socially in your early years can affect your entire life. Good or bad.
My point is: I hate that phrase. My family is in the middle of a big change. I worry about how it's going to affect the kids. Someone used that phrase and I said, "really what does that mean?" It's like a pat answer when someone dies and says, "they're in a better place"...well, we want them here. "Kids are resilient," no, they're not. They hurt, they scar, they resent.... and they always wind up on the couch someday blaming the mother. *grin*
I dedicated my children when they were babies and gave them to the Lord. Symbolically like Hannah who gave Samuel to the priest....for the first 5 years of his life. She gave him away. I can't imagine. Yet I symbolically did the same thing; giving my children to the Lord, for life. However, I want to put them in a bubble and let nothing of this world harm them. Nikki had a different upbringing in her beginning years. Now, she's added to that bubble. Now and again, I release them into man kind...then I snatch them back. It's a constant letting go. I don't want them hurt. I don't want them to make the same mistakes I did or Rich did. Or anyone did.
I refuse to use the phrase "kids are resilient" to make myself feel better over a tough decisions.
Perhaps I'll use it in the context that my kids are resilient because they choose the right path under the obedience of Christ. They made the right choice because we have...."trained up a child in the way they should go...." Proverbs 22:6 And because we adore them. Truly. Take for instance, Jacob. When he was asked who these people were, he said, "The children who God has graciously given his servant." (Gen 33:5) They are my pride. My joy. I don't want them to just survive. Just be resilient. Tough. Hard. I want them to be gracious, kind, compassionate...Godlike.
Okay. I'm stepping off soap box now.
I also hate "pat" answers to anything in life. Each person has their own individual struggles, pain, hurts and their own individual reaction and way of handling it. We all "handle" all that life pitches to us differently. Sometimes we pick up a bat and hit it back and run the bases for a score. Sometimes we strike out or just get hit real hard. I will say that through everything, learning who God is has been the best lesson. I also have learned who he is not. He IS gracious, holy, merciful, righteous, loving, pure, compassionate, immutable, kind, good.....He knows we are frail, broken, weak, made of dust. He loves us and despite the circumstances we have faced and will face in life is ALWAYS for our good. So when I am tempted to either fall into despair or conversly fight that monster that wants to judge others or just callously give a "pat answer", if I can remember who God is,contrasted by who I am-the record is set straight. Quick.
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